A Shocking Revelation

I have never really recovered from my lost of faith. Part of me remains sore even as I try hard to recover. I blame it on the weakness of mankind; my own weakness. But the revelation has changed my perception. Totally. The revelation has made me lose faith completely. I know it is not likely that I will ever regain any tad bit of the lost faith much as I struggle to remain good. The revelation has made me realise I have been ignored, abandoned and unloved. I am not my Father's child. And I have just crossed the thin line into disbelief.

Religion is akin to public relations in the form of crisis management; all it takes is one incident to shake the faith of the believers and the public. And all the good that had happened would easily be shadowed and overlooked. But in the case of the latter, rebuilding process can be seen; corporations reach out to the public positively, re-vamping the company's image, communicate and send assurance. If all are done correctly, second chances are granted to them.

Whereas in the case of the former, believers although shaken would still stand by their religion; believing in the higher and more superior being. Coaxing themselves to believe that whatever that happened did happen for a reason; a reason known only to the Almighty. When they can no longer hold on to that belief, they will forsake their religion for good like consumers boycotting an image-deprived company. I used to be one of those believers. I have just disengaged for I cannot believe why evil people can dwell in happiness and why do they even deserve to be happy at all?

If being evil has no bad repercussion then nothing should stop me from joining them. If selling one's soul to the devil is the way to have a good life why not?? It may seem like that gang of the bad has won me over but I feel that it is the faith of the good that has pushed me away. Until I see that the bad and the evil get their just desserts I don't think I will ever walk back again.

Double Fs

Freedom finally! I am done with Grunig, Hofstede, Kotter, Kotler and the likes! That is of course if I pass corp comms; I have screwed up the exams big time. Fingers crossed. Now I need at least one month to recuperate from the stress of the last few months. Then begin my new journey again. :)

Friendships. Had a thought last night of someone who used to call me some evenings and greet me by my Chinese name.  Let's call him CC.   CC and I used to hang out quite a bit and I enjoyed his company and all his juicy scandals and deep dark secrets. He was also the one who brought the 'best' into my life and I really treasured our friendship but at the end of the day, I realised he has never really been my friend and he is no longer my friend. He has relocated since and we have stopped contacting each other. Perhaps not becos of his relocation but becos he was never really my friend to begin with. Friendships, kinships, relationships are all alike. Do they all have an expiry date? Seems like no matter how much effort is put in to maintain one it never seem to last. Many friends have came and gone but I am glad that I have met them at different phases of my life; they all shone different lights. I dunno ever since when I stop putting in effort to be nice; cordial at best. Becos I dun want to regret when a friendship can no longer be maintained or to know that the person I called friend eventually end up betraying me. Building relationships with others is no longer my forte.

Comfort Food, Comfort Zone, Comfort Fit

'wld u still be there for me when I'm down n drunk?'

That was the last thing he asked me and it has been more than a year n half.

Today, I am for once on the verge of giving in to stress, on the verge of breaking down n admitting defeat. I dun wanna do the project anymore, I dun wanna continue with this stress anymore.

I used to think of stress as a great form of challenge but not anymore, not today. This last lap is so stressful I'm not sure if I can complete it.

This stress made me finally realise that we were each other's comfort food, comfort zone, comfort fit. He wanted to run to me when he was down just like now I wanna run to him becos I'm feeling darn down.

Today, i wanna bury my head in his so very broad chest n cry out loud. I wanna hear him say 'suhh suhh dun cry, it'll be over soon.' n kiss my tears away like he did before. I wanna feel his calmness thru all these anxieties.

But today is not like before. He is no longer around, not for me n he will never be again. I know it's just my irrational thot becos of all the stress; I hv oredi gotten used to his absence. I'll not think of him once I'm stress free. But for tonight, he's on my mind as I seek to reach out for the comfort which has oredi become unfamiliar...


- Posted using BlogPress from Lulu's iPhone

Futile Struggle

Just two weeks back i was wondering if it was a right decision to enrol for the Broadcast Journalism course. After attending it, I must say it was simply awesome! In five days, I have learnt to interview, present, script, edit, did the final cut pro and complete my own production. It was a wonderful learning experience with a fabulous instructor, fun-loving mates and helpful, obliging peeps at Singapore Media Academy. Everything about the entire course is just great. I truly enjoyed myself over the short five days. And who can forget Mr. Augustine Anthuvan's favourite phrase - "Hurry up guys! I'd be done with Avatar 2 by the time you guys finish!" He's so nice, made learning so fun. :) What's best is I realised that it is possible to produce a good piece of news within a tight timeline. Can't wait to get my copy of the production from Ric. And of course hopefully I can breeze through the assessment on 28th. Only with that will there be a completion.

Knocking On The Wrong Door

New term's gonna start later! and I am excited about the broadcast journalism class. hopefully reality's not going to dampen my anticipation. had some great workout today doing the chores. I have changed the sheets, packed my books and wardrobe, done the laundry and cleaned the bathroom. it feels great that everything smell good and are sparkingly clean. gonna crash soon lest i turn up late for the first day. gosh! I'll be in lectures for more than 12 hours for the next two days. think i'm gonna be darn spent and drained by Wednesday.

saw a post on FB and I realised I have been knocking on the wrong door. all these while I said I will not hope anymore and I want nothing more than keeping our friendship. I have been bottling up the overwhelming feeling of wanting him but I can't deny the existence of such feelings. I can’t deny that I do like him and want him. but that post made me realised that there is really no chance for a relationship to ever develop between us. my romeo is still longing for his juliet.

I don't wanna let obstinacy rule me anymore. I have decided not to close my options. It is unnecessary and stoopid to do so. perhaps I don't feel that much for him after all. this has dawned on me when I realised there was no heart-thumping anticipation when we went out the other day. those fuzzy butterfly feelings were not there at all. maybe this part of me has long died together with the lost years. it will definitely be much easier to move on. nonetheless, I am thankful to recognise through him that I can and have moved past the most difficult period. all the best in getting your juliet, my God-given tool.

crashing.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Lurve Story

Just feel like blogging but no idea what to blog about.

School's starting next week and I have enrolled myself in an additional 5-day crash course. It's only five days I can surely make it through. Asked mayor for second opinion today, guess I just needed some convincing that I should make the choice of going for it. After all, it's complimentary and I am going to get a certificate at the end of it. Why not?

Finally, I am going to be done with my last term in a few months' time! : ) I will embark on another journey of my life thereon. There are so many things I wanna accomplish but I have yet to set my mind on what to do first. It's time I start listing them.

There's another thing I wanna do and it can't be accomplished by listing. Hmmmm. . . I wanna fall in love again! I am actually, there's just no reciprocation. It's been a llllooooooooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg while since I am in a relationship. A proper one. I have forgotten what it's like to have a balanced relationship; one that brings no heartache only laughter, happiness and joy. One that has no room for infidelity, no room for comparison, no room for proving a point, no room for social standing. One that can work out and maintain solely with love. Impossible. This kinda relationship will not happen for me again. And I give my blessings to those who are able to love each other unselfishly and whole-heartedly.

I feel there is no balance in most relationships. There is no balance between giving and taking. I realised that life is a competition in every aspect and yet the one that fought the hardest may not necessarily emerge as the winner. I have learnt. I have fallen and am standing again. I am ready to fall again if that's what it takes. But it's exclusive. Admission for one only. : )

I am rather happy with my present status but the invisible pressure from people around me is getting a little choking. Even mom is starting to join in the fun. Yes yes yes, age is catching up. It is time I find someone and settle down. Next CNY I want to see your other half. (Next CNY I will run away!) Yadda, yadda, yadda. I too realised how all my prime years were wasted. Gimme a break please? It's so unfair that guys don't get the same kinda pressure.

I wanna watch 'Letters to Juliet'. Bet it's gonna be a fantastic show. Finding and rekindling a long lost love. The soundtrack has a song by Taylor Swift - Love Story. Nice song - modern days Romeo and Juliet. Part of the song goes "Romeo save me, they are trying to tell me how to feel". Oh yes, Romeo please come save me. Save me from all the incessant nagging please................... (My stoopid Romeo got stuck in his own universe...)

If I end up old and all alone, I only have my obstinacy to blame. Hardly anything new. It's always the same old story of wanting something and every other replacement is disregarded in the course of seeking for the ultimate one. Thanks obstinacy. I have had enough. Please bring your ass away.

I must have sounded pretty emotional. I am not feeling it though, sleepy actually. Crashing time! Time to go dream of my Romeo! : ) Nitez world.

Spurred Thought

A thought spurred from Mom's comment on a Ch8 drama earlier. "Ha, the wife is so pretty why did the husband still stray?" I wondered too. As usual, I can't let a topic rest without making some kinda lulu comments, and so I rambled. "One is never enough, men will not be satisfied with one. Look at that fooker and me, I'm also pretty wot but he ended up marrying someone else." Mommy burst out laughing. Was she laughing at my complacency?

Just a little dip into a topic resulted in a whole lot of memories pouring out. Reminded me of how foolish I was and how I naively thought we were a match made in heaven. Yea, right. There ain't no such match. As soon as a perception is formed, I realised it is rather difficult to change it. Made me think of what he used to say. "It's not about how much you have done for me." I totally concur. Now. Everyone view the world with tinted glasses, the only difference is the extent of it. I am guilty of jumping gun and being judgmental too. Had the situation been reversed would I have done the same he did? I dunno, really. But I do know if I were to replay the entire scene again, I would definitely make it better. Pro me perhaps.

I said I won't mention about him again in this new blog. Well, at least I have omitted to mention his name. Thoughts of him are random now. Almost one and a half years since we ended, there is no more hurt no more pain just a whole load of hatred. Today, someone else has replaced the silly grin I used to have on my face whenever his name was mentioned; it's now someone else's name. The same someone else who has oredi formed his perception too. I know we won't make it cos we won't even have the chance to try. Now wot's the famous clique? "It has all ended before it even got started." Or was it some lyrics from some song?

If I have to spell out right from the beginning why I like him, this time I won't withhold. **SC is witty, tacky and oh-so-funny. And on the only solo 'date' we had, I felt comfy. No pressure in his presence. I enjoy his company. It is a very refreshing and different kinda feeling altogether that I like. He is inspirational. I am inspired by his drive and his commitment towards his business and life. I will always treasure our friendship.

Time to crash. with a bleeding heart that is. I have just spent S$132 on a 'dead sea' mask. It better be good man, else I will bring it back and throw it in the sale person's face. Nite nite world. Nite nite YOU. : )

A Fine Distraction

15 minutes time off to blog. Was just thinking. It's always such a coincidence. Just when I needed that bit of distraction, it was provided. And it always comes at the right time. This time a tad too much though. Made me all dizzy and awfully distracted... No, no, no i won't think too much. Things will remain status quo. But it was there, it was great and I truly enjoyed it. A whole new different something I've always wanted. Refreshing. Thanks!! I will frame it up, I promise!! :)

...Back to report. Next up Sarah Palin. Err............ Can I change character? Give me Pierce Brosnan perhaps? Or Brendan Fraser? Or Ellen Degeneres?

My Brand Experience

Disappointment. Great disappointment. I submitted my brand analysis on Topshop just last week. And now I feel so disappointed with the brand. I know the brand is a franchise in SG as it is in many other countries but the clothings all have to passed through UK before reaching the rest of the world. Is there no QC just becos it's mass production?

Went to Topshop the other day. I spent a whole hour browsing around at almost every shelf, every rack and tried on several pairs of heels in the shop (except for the maternity and petite sections) and I nearly went out of the shop empty handed, which is pretty rare cos I do like the brand very much and the items there really appeal to me. After walking out of the changing room twice with nothing I like, I was at the verge of giving up finding something and was close to buying the skater dress which I oredi have in a different colour.

Last option, I went to the 'Last Chance to Buy' rack and finally I found something. Not too much like me but decent enough to fit on me. I was too exhausted to try it again and since it was my size I just picked it, paid for it and left, happy that I have purchased something. Shopping itch cured.

First thing I did when I got home was to try on the top to see how it looked on me and to my greatest disappointment, the blouse is torn!! Ok, I am not expecting premium quality buying a torn item is simply ridiculous! Come on, I paid close to 100bucks for the blouse, surely I deserve better than that isn't it? I have to make yet another trip down to Topshop just to exchange for something else. Swapped for a dress eventually. I didn't fancy the dress that much but got it still under a 'no other choice' circumstance or unless I really get the skater dress instead. This time I checked it thoroughly just to make sure it's not torn.

Again, I went home to try it on. No there's no tear. But the material in the first place oredi turns me off. It's the cheap kinda cotton. Upon close examination, I realised that the dress is not even properly sewn and the hem is so haphazardly cut!! What is this? I have heard that the quality of Topshop clothings is getting bad but I didn't expect it to be THIS inferior. I mean I dun expect it to last me a lifetime but I don't expect an item at such price to be incomparable to stuff that can be easily gotten at any marketplace at a much lower price.

This really isn't the first time. The skater dress that I mentioned earlier, there was slight furring after the first wash. I blamed it on my washing machine. My floral pansy dress which I love so much has a tear after a few wash and no I didn't wear it very often.

Really, I am ultra disappointed. This is what consumer's brand experience is all about. Seriously, which party is responsible? In my opinion, all. First, Topshop should take proper charge of the quality of their garment since everything have to pass through UK before reaching the franchisees. But obviously there isn't any quality check. No, I am not talking about the torn blouse but the bad stitch up. And yes, how did a torn blouse ended up on the rack? Do they think that by providing fairly acceptable customer service is going to make a consumer forget such an experience? Out of more than 10 staff in the store and no one realise it? Or was it left on the rack deliberately to be bought by someone as silly as me? For clarification purposes, there were more than one item I spotted on the rack that have defects. If I as a consumer who spent less than 15mins at the rack can spot those tears and defects I cannot comprehend why the staff there weren't able to.

I enquired with the STORE MANAGER when would those bleach washed skinnies on Topshop website be arriving in SG? Her answer is yet another insult to the brand. She said, "I am not sure. We don't get all the items here. They are coming from UK." Der!! I know the products are coming from UK but that didn't answer my question! What do you mean you don't know? Is there no proper communication between the franchisor and franchisee? Or between the franchisee and its employees? Surely they are briefed on the items right? Already it's bad enough that items take eight weeks to reach all international retail stores and people on the receiving end don't even know what they are getting??

I have ranted enough. To sum up, it was a terrrible brand experience for me and sad to say it happened with my favourite apparel brand. Will I desert the brand after this? Hard to say but I am more inclined to say it's likely though. Pull & Bear has awesome skinnies too and lower priced. River Island can substitute for the bold and loudness. And I can always shop online with asos.com for pretty dresses. Honestly, if the brand is not going to make any improvement or change, be it on the franchisor or franchisee's part, I cannot find a reason good enough for me to stay faithful.

Random

Just feel like blogging about a few random thoughts that I have before I start on my cross-cultural project.

First: There was a flash the other day. It lasted for few seconds. Just didn't occur to me that it's still there. Made me suddenly miss the comfort of familiarity. Missed the 'ya ya ya i know'. And that very peculiar sound. It's just a flash. I am oredi used to its departure.

Second: Media really blew up the Jack Neo's scandals. And I pity his wife. There are many views on what she should do or should have done but no one has the right to question whether it's right or wrong; it's their lives, her decision. I admire her though. It all boils down to one single word - love. Her love for him surpasses everything else. I'd have taken the same position. On the other hand, I wished I had the courage like Wendy Chong. Becos I didn't have, I was unable to do what I should have done. Now I am left with the 'what ifs'. Real foolish.

Third: The battle between iPhone and Blackberry has been going on for a while and it will probably continue until Google's Nexus One is available here. Somehow I feel that iPhone has boosted the sale of Blackberry in the last few months. Not that the latter is not good or incomparable but I feel that it has gained a substantial amount of preference owing to the recent craze for the former. So many people went crazy when the other two network providers launched the sale of iPhone. I tried to do a little research through observation just to see how exactly has iPhone proliferated the market. I gave up after two days. It was a fruitless exercise. The number is simply overwhelming. It has totally lost the brand image it used to have and clearly diverted from its original target audience. I termed it 'the public phone' even though I am using one too. I guess this is one of the rare occasions for me where 'good things are worth the wait'. I have wanted the phone ever since ST launched it. But I couldn't get a ST line. Then I thought I could just get the iTouch since it serves almost the same purposes. When I was going to get the iTouch, taa-daa!! The news came that M1 and SH are launching it. Lucky I didn't get any other phone sooner if not I'd surely regret my choice becos I am totally in love with my personalised public phone! : )

Branding

Argh. . . New term new modules. What am I doing for this term? Strategic Branding. Yea, it seems so easy. I mean it's an elective after all and there's no exams. But the report I started 2days back is still at chapter 2, an empty chapter 2 that is. . . SWOT, it's easy and it's my favourite but why am I blogging now instead of SWOT-ing?

Tsk tsk, Lulu has zero discipline. CNY celebration is over. Lent has begun. And I am still slacking. Worst of all, I am still fagging!! I am totally disappointed with myself. Really. The complacency has placed me in an incapable mode; determination seems to be in another lifetime. I hate this man! I must quit I must quit I must quit!! I want to quit!!

It’s time to go back to SWOT-ing. . .

I Am A Scorpion

A night long of streaming. . . Yawnz. . . If only it could stream faster, I would have finished watching my CSI Vegas Season 9 oredi. Tomorrow. Really. Tomorrow I am going to start studying. I can't pick up the books too early lest I forget everything by exam day.

Was watching Michael Jackson's 'This Is It' movie on my iPhone earlier, and despite the small screen and bad sound quality, I was filled with emotions. The world has lost a legendary performer of all time and I have lost my idol. I'd probably have cried if I could hide in the darkness of a cinema. It's all VHSC's fault. Had he told me earlier that he wasn't interested in watching the movie with me I would have arranged with others to watch. It was oredi too late when he conveniently expressed his disinterest; movie off screening. If only MJJ had performed his last world tour, I would definitely attend even if I have to go alone. .

Boss was talking about horoscope today and said Scorpions are vengeful and vindictive. I am. I will remember for always the injustice done unto me. Nah, not referring to VHSC. I am upset over the MM bag (even if it was unintentional); left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. And I will remember it. I can remain cordial with people who have scorned me or whom have, in my opinion, stepped on my toes. But I will remember. And I will make sure my future conduct and interactions with these people are nothing more than superficial.

It's so windy tonight. I am going to have a good night sleep. Tomorrow. I will start revising.

Theory Lesson

I was trawling the net couple of days ago and I chanced upon the news on a book entitled "This is My Story" by Kasandra Kong. The book was written based on her own life experience; the betrayal and hurt she faced. 

I have not read the book but from the summary I reckoned that the gist of it all is probably on how the ex-boyfriend had treated her and the pain and loss she was subjected to. I admire her courage to share her traumatic past so openly but her rationale for doing so (to make it a lesson for other girls so that they would be more careful in choosing their other halves) I don't really concur.

No, I am not criticizing. I just have my own viewpoint. I feel that the book serves more as a tool to evoke sympathy than as a guidance for others and the interest on the book spurs from the very fact that it is human nature to feed on the essence of others' lives and stories. (Stories on human interest always sell well)

And I have my basis for saying so. Look around and listen. Every so often, you'll hear stories of friends or friends of friends on how they have suffered in the hands of their spouses/other halves or how their relationships broke down because of the intrusion of third parties. 

Such stories are not uncommon. And I feel that it can't be helped. Are there really tell-tale signs of how a relationship will turn out? Even if there are those people who are in it would be blinded by love and would not possibly realise until damage has been done. Having said so, I think that only by experiencing an ordeal can one learn to be stronger. Taking a theory lesson from someone else's story? I don't think that will work to anyone's benefit. 

The book, no matter how well written, will not inspire or encourage me to have a change of attitude. Again, it is someone else's story after all, I would put it down after reading and my life - good or bad - still goes on. And who knows? The next time I fall in love I will be blinded all over again. I would probably listen to friends' advices rather than remembering a story read. Maybe it's just me, but I still think its human nature to have to walk the path to learn the lesson; one has to fall to know the pain. Learn from one's own mistakes and pray that the same would not be repeated again. 

Just my two cents' worth. I have not read the book and I don't think I will read it. Not my kinda genre anyway. Should I buy Dan Brown's 'Lost Symbol' in hard cover or not?? I also want Patricia Cornwell's 'Scarpetta Factor'. Erm yes, I am a cheapo who is still contemplating on the amount to spend on a book. . .