10 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Thought Catalog

10 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Thought Catalog

I'd remember not to do #6 the next time, if there's a next time.

Update On My Lululicious Life

It's been almost 2 years since my last blog post. But no, I have no update for 2012. The year was filled with lots of negative feelings and thoughts. I spent most part of 2012 feeling stretched, stressed, belittled, worn out and whatever word you can use to describe a negative state of mind I probably felt it all.  The only good thing I can think of is that I didn't have to face most of the adversities alone.

2013 is significantly different.  I quitted, rested, travelled, started all over again and feeling good about it.  My new role is exciting and challenging. It feels good to be able to present my own ideas and get the acknowledgement/validation. It feels good to know that I am doing something right.

..Something right in the midst of the many wrongs. This year has interestingly been (thus far) one which I am intrinsically tied to the number 3.  Three times three.

This has also been a year of surprises. Surprised at myself that is. Surprised at my uncanny and oh-so-accurate instinct (re CC telling me of the 2nd arrival; I already knew).  Surprised at my ability to completely let go of the past and forgive the man who has caused the deepest heartache. I have spent so much of the last four years hating him and wondering why he would bestowed the life I wanted so much to someone else. I finally heard the answer (although not much of an answer) and saw his reaction but sorry came four years too late.

I used to lurve everything about him and I thought that he was the best I ever had and will ever have.  But when I realised it didn't feel the same anymore it dawned on me that I only felt that way because of the lurve I had for him. He was once all I lived for. He was once the only reason for the smile on my face. I wanted nothing more than growing old with him. I have recently realised that I am ready to forgive and have forgiven. Forgiveness comes easier when lurve is gone and hatred has subsided. I no longer hold my tongue to avoid incurring his wrath; I spout whatever comes to mind.

D, I forgive you

All thanks to Forester. First time in the last four years I dived head first into something knowing fully well that it's a mistake right from the start. Comfort is my achilles' heel. Comfort was what I felt the first time we met. He's charismatic, humble, dorky with a great sense of humour and most of all he makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Coupled with all the attention he gave, things between us naturally happened at a lightning fast speed.  I knew the relationship was doomed and I was preparing myself for the end right when we began. But I wanted to indulge for as long as I could. There's so much to smile about in the short span of time that we spent together.

A failed relationship plus my own auto defence mechanism made it difficult for me to open up to anyone much less a person I barely knew. But I did anyway and I have no regrets.  He has been an awesome companion. If only I could handle the benefits with no emotional attachment. But how can that even be remotely possible? It may never be (at least not for me) but getting to know him is one of the events that makes 2013 a great year. Thank you lao uncle. . .