The 5 Relationships I Had And What I Have Learnt From Them

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

10 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Thought Catalog

10 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Thought Catalog

I'd remember not to do #6 the next time, if there's a next time.

Update On My Lululicious Life

It's been almost 2 years since my last blog post. But no, I have no update for 2012. The year was filled with lots of negative feelings and thoughts. I spent most part of 2012 feeling stretched, stressed, belittled, worn out and whatever word you can use to describe a negative state of mind I probably felt it all.  The only good thing I can think of is that I didn't have to face most of the adversities alone.

2013 is significantly different.  I quitted, rested, travelled, started all over again and feeling good about it.  My new role is exciting and challenging. It feels good to be able to present my own ideas and get the acknowledgement/validation. It feels good to know that I am doing something right.

..Something right in the midst of the many wrongs. This year has interestingly been (thus far) one which I am intrinsically tied to the number 3.  Three times three.

This has also been a year of surprises. Surprised at myself that is. Surprised at my uncanny and oh-so-accurate instinct (re CC telling me of the 2nd arrival; I already knew).  Surprised at my ability to completely let go of the past and forgive the man who has caused the deepest heartache. I have spent so much of the last four years hating him and wondering why he would bestowed the life I wanted so much to someone else. I finally heard the answer (although not much of an answer) and saw his reaction but sorry came four years too late.

I used to lurve everything about him and I thought that he was the best I ever had and will ever have.  But when I realised it didn't feel the same anymore it dawned on me that I only felt that way because of the lurve I had for him. He was once all I lived for. He was once the only reason for the smile on my face. I wanted nothing more than growing old with him. I have recently realised that I am ready to forgive and have forgiven. Forgiveness comes easier when lurve is gone and hatred has subsided. I no longer hold my tongue to avoid incurring his wrath; I spout whatever comes to mind.

D, I forgive you

All thanks to Forester. First time in the last four years I dived head first into something knowing fully well that it's a mistake right from the start. Comfort is my achilles' heel. Comfort was what I felt the first time we met. He's charismatic, humble, dorky with a great sense of humour and most of all he makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Coupled with all the attention he gave, things between us naturally happened at a lightning fast speed.  I knew the relationship was doomed and I was preparing myself for the end right when we began. But I wanted to indulge for as long as I could. There's so much to smile about in the short span of time that we spent together.

A failed relationship plus my own auto defence mechanism made it difficult for me to open up to anyone much less a person I barely knew. But I did anyway and I have no regrets.  He has been an awesome companion. If only I could handle the benefits with no emotional attachment. But how can that even be remotely possible? It may never be (at least not for me) but getting to know him is one of the events that makes 2013 a great year. Thank you lao uncle. . .

Riding Tat Wave

Aaaaaahhhhhh..... Today is one of those days I managed to finish most of my work and come home fairly early with of course a decent amount of brain cells left so I decided to spend a lil time blogging. For the first time on my pad pad. :) And not forgetting to ride on the last wave of 'post' emotions to do so.

Have just been reminded today of how fragile life is and how we should treasure people around us before it's too late. I had a relationship with someone who would often tell me how much I meant to him becos "he didn't want to regret not saying when it's all too late" but I gave up that relationship for someone who didn't give two hoots about my feelings or even my existence. And the greatest irony is I gave my all to him and became the one who constantly proclaimed my lurve becos I too didn't want to regret.

Have been told that this blog is filled with posts of my past when I have ironically stated that I'd leave the soil unturned. It probably gave the impression that I have never truly gotten over. But honestly, do I have to completely stop talking about the past before people will finally acknowledge that hmmmmmm.....perhaps MAT is absolutely over it. Well, I have not come across anyone who has not mentioned anything of their past thus far. Yes, I get it that people speak of their past in general while I seem to be overly focused on one aspect.

I believe there's a difference between getting over and forgetting. I have definitely gotten over. I am fortunate that my prayer was answered and getting over was an almost painless affair. But forgotten? I dun think it would even be remotely possible to totally forget something that once formed the greatest part of my life. How can anyone completely swear off the very thing that used to make their life whole?

It is regretful that I have to waste seven years to learn the lesson but I have learnt nonetheless. I dunno wot the future holds in terms of my lurve life (or lack thereof) but I know that the mistakes will never be repeated for anyone else. If karma is real, then he must be my karma for the avalanche of hurt that I have caused others. It is really infuriating to see him live in bliss and I hope karma too will befall unto him in hundred thousands folds! Stoopid ole fooker...

Surviving First Month & Expecting The Unexpected

Have been wanting to blog about my new job since the first week but work has been rather hectic and that leaves me pretty drained on other times when I am not working.  And I didn't want to wrongly jump to any conclusion.

And so, first month has been.. yes, hectic.  If someone were to ask me now if I think PR is for me, I wouldn't be able to truthfully answer that just yet as there are many other aspects that make up PR that I have yet learn.  But I like what I have been doing thus far and I would lurve to learn about everything else soon.  However, what I can say for now is that this new job has taught me 2 things that I have been meaning to do - being punctual and poker face.

Ha! I have been punctual alright!  But I am still learning and trying hard to keep my emotions masked.  I should have learnt this long ago but have not been getting down to it and then comes the job that gives me the perfect reason to do so.  I am hoping to emerge a poker face practitioner soon!  :))

Then there is the unexpected.  So much so that it unexpectedly broke me.  Yes it did, you win again ole fooker.  All these while when people posed the hypothetical question of what would I do if he initiate contact again, I would confidently reply that that day would not come, he would not do so becos I have clearly told him to leave me alone and given his character I knew I won't hear from him again.  And so becos I treated the question as hypothetical, I never had an answer to it becos I didn't think there would ever be a need.  I was that confident.

Receiving his text totally stunned me.  I didn't recognise the number at first but it looked awfully familiar and it took me less than 2 mins to realise who it was.  I was not prepared to ever receive a text from him again especially not when a thot of him just flashed by seconds before that (eerie..).  I mean it has been almost 3 years and he is a father now, why the hell does he still need to know how am I doing now???????  What is it to you whether I have moved on well or not??????? 

I thot I have clearly conveyed to his bestest fren how impossible it is for me to ever forgive him.  And I don't believe he didn't tell him that at all??  Well, forgiving him is not in my agenda; not then, not now and not ever.  In actuality, all it takes is that one word to lessen the hatred and I could have been appeased but it's too late now.  That's him; forever callous towards how I feel.  This time I am very sure he won't ever try to initiate contact again.

So many years later and you are still so selfish.  You broke me and I won't let you do it again.  You read it right.  I will bring this hatred for you to my grave.      

Blogging & Me

I feel the need to address this topic on blogging.  Not that it should matter to anyone but I just don't want to appear so amateurish just becos it's stated that this blog was started only in July 2011. (See?  I am a typical Scorpion - super want face!)  ;p

Reading backwards, it will show that this blog contains posts dating back to 2010; those are some of the posts that I have brought over from another blog which I have now deleted.  In actual fact, I have been blogging since 2005/2006 and I have been somewhat like a "floating" blogger until now (I hope).  

I first started blogging on my Friendster account, then I decided to create an account with MySpace which didn't last beyond one entry and then came my first blogspot account that was semi-permanent.  I maintained  that blogspot account for about 4 years while also blogging on Facebook in between.  I decided to stop posting entries in that blog after my relationship with the fooker came to an end.  Needless to say, most of the entries in that blog was about us; the relationship, my feelings, our past and to stop posting in that blog is part of my effort to 'delete the past'.  I don't want to be reminded of the past every time I post a new entry and so I made the decision to start yet another new blog.  I have not deleted that blog yet though becos I like the way I wrote with that emotionally-driven sense of creativity, and I want to save it for my pleasure reading which could happen someday in future.

And so I had created yet another blogspot account right before this which was around for about a year or so.  The main reason for me to delete that blog was becos of the name - LuluOddball - which was coined by two nicknames given by my frens.  I got stuck to that name for a while and hence the choice for my blog name.  I lurve the name 'Lulu' and I want to permanently use it and create my branding with it so I have decided that 'oddball' has to go.   And taaa-daaaa!!  The birth of 'Lululicious'!  I have been using 'Lululicious' for a while now and I intend to continue doing so and creating this new blog (and deleting the old) is the last part of my move to do away with 'oddball'.

Honestly, I don't think I am odd.  I merely like things that are not attractive to others or I am drawn to less than attractive things (e.g. my curious interest in taking pictures of insects).  Well, I'd like to think that I am a lil different from common folks; be it in a good or bad way.  Anyways, this pretty much sums up my relationship with blogging.  I will blog more regularly now if time permits and of course if I am not feeling too lazy and  when I am inspired by a topic.  Hmmmmm...

**Flashing thought:  Why do we need 'courtesy movement campaigns' to encourage us to be more courteous?  When I see those posters plastered on the walls in MRT stations reminding people to stand on one side of the escalator, it makes me wonder why is it that people can't just have that tad bit of initiative?  And by the way, I don't think the posters are of any use becos the problem has not been resolved; selfish people are still choking up the escalators during peak hours like as if it's their prerogative to do so.  For once I'd have to say that the trashes are not to be blamed; this is a pre-existing Singapore issue.  Haro??  Courtesy campaigns have been ongoing since I was a kid and perhaps even before my time.  But the presence of these trashes have most definitely worsen the situation; they have made us all the more explicitly 'kiasu'.  Waste another 10 years running courtesy campaigns and I am pretty sure the situation will very much remain the same... 

Heaving A Sigh Of Relief (Finally! Yipee!!)

I am excited!  And it's for a very good reason - I am finally taken!  Yea, after searching endlessly for a good eight months I have finally got a new job and am starting next week!  I am totally looking forward to it! :))  (Fingers crossed...)

It's never easy to leave the comfort of familiarity and embark onto a new journey all over again.  It is certainly no simple task to leave the comfort of working with people who knows me and have gotten used to the way I work and perhaps also gotten used to the eccentric side of me that comes visiting every once in a while.  From Monday onwards, I can't be late for work anymore!  And it will be a total new environment with a new working culture to learn from and adapt to.

But I see this change as a new learning point and I look forward to the challenge.  Well, it has not been easy for me to get hired considering the fact that I am older than many of the local fresh graduates and more expensive in comparison to the foreign talents (trash).  Armed with nil experience in the field that I want to venture into, I have half the chances and have to face double the challenges.  And in this course of searching for new employment, I have went from all excited to all disheartened to all desperation when my applications garnered few responses and even fewer interviews; the ratio was approximately 20:5:1.  I had even experienced that sense of regret for doing my degree when the end results of all my hard work is far from what I have expected.  But such a thought is definitely no surprise.  After all, I don't have a filthy rich father to sponsor my studies and I had to hold down two jobs while studying just so that I can manage the loan.  

So you can imagine the kind of relief I felt when I was told that I have secured the job after two rounds of interviews. Interestingly, the 2nd round of interview was a "mass interview" where all the candidates were asked to attend and be interviewed together and where our responses were no longer privileged to the interviewer(s) solely.  I wasn't feeling too confident after the interview as I realised that; (1) I was the oldest candidate (yes! can you imagine my fellow candidates are all in their early and mid-twenties??!!?); and (2) they are from local Uni (definitely better qualified than my overseas degree!).  Again, you can imagine the joy I felt when I received the email confirming that I have gotten the job!  :)

Now about the job.  A 'Graduate Recruitment Programme' as it is termed is a six-month contract position in a medium size local PR agency.  The plus side is  that the next six months would be a platform for me to learn the ropes of PR and be paid for it!  But the flip side means that I could very well be jobless after six months if I can't prove to be of value.  Then again, this is the same risk present in many other jobs is it not?   At least I am given the chance to learn and prove my worth and at the same time to find out whether I am cut out for this. Perhaps, I am worrying too much now.  I am a true blue worrywart man!  >.<"  Maybe the anxiety of starting in a new and unfamiliar environment is more overwhelming than I have given credit for.  Nonetheless, I am still looking forward.  I lurve challenges and this new journey is yet another I am set to discover. 

"Good things are worth the wait" - I hear of this cliche saying so very often and I surely hope that after all the wait (search) this is the job for me!  I can't wait for Monday!!  Wish me luck!  :))