And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense. ~ Gaby Dunn
Wot makes even lesser sense is that you have decided that I would allow you back into my life with no qualms. Why? Have you forgotten that YOU have (more than once) hurt me so deeply? That YOU were the one who ripped me so badly apart that I am not even sure till now that I have picked up all the pieces? Oh, I forgot. I was the one who said I have forgiven you.
I have changed, you said. Yes, I have. And that's becos you told me to change for me and not you. You feel the change becos I no longer give in to you and no longer hold my tongue back (and I love it). You have changed too. Why have you become so attentive and sweet to me? And why only now? You used to be so stingy when it comes to expressing your feelings for me. Why are you uninhibited now?
I am uncertain about whether I should let you walk back into my life. Yes, I have forgiven you. Yes, I am ready to be friends. And no, I don't love you anymore. But I am afraid of opening the floodgate that I know I shouldn't.
We shared so much together. There are so many memories between us, so much we know about each other. It's scary. I don't want to relive those memories, I am afraid to do so. Yet there is no escape if and when we meet. I was overwhelmed by the rush of emotions when I held your face in my hand once more. You were my whole world and yes you dunno how it felt when my whole world crumbled to nothing.
But I'm glad that we didn't make it and I meant it when I said that. I would have been lost in you forever and never found myself. The end of our relationship made me stronger and made me realise that there's someone more worthy to love than you - me.
So please, since you so unreservedly said you loved me and that you still care, then don't make me weak again. . . I don't have another 11 years to waste.
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